“This man was killed because of Generic Viagra,” said the stern-faced police detective.
“It was Generic
cheap cialis, actually,” said the blonde woman in the virginal white nightdress. “Oh, this is so horrible and embarrassing.”
The police detective permitted himself a tight smile. “Your husband was stabbed ferociously, madam. He was rather more than embarrassed. Tell me, did his renewed ardor make you unhappy? Unhappy enough to kill him?”
The blonde sniffed. “I wasn’t the recipient of his renewed ardor. Ask Amy, our guest for the weekend. Or Julie, the maid. Or Roger, the butler.”
The police detective raised an eyebrow.
“I didn’t mean that, you filthy-minded man,” the grieving widow snapped. “I only meant we don’t pay Roger enough to purchase Generic Cialis, so he might have killed Michael for his supply of the drug. I’m only trying to help.”
Amy, a tall woman with a loose, gawky body and strong features, readily admitted the affair with Michael. “Guilty? Hell no. He chose a dog ‘cause his pussy had died. You couldn’t pry that witch’s legs apart with a crowbar. Sure I had sex with him once the Generic Viagra made him himself again. He was gorgeous before…”
Her voice trailed off and the police detective readied himself for more tears, but in a minute Amy continued in a business like manner.
“Anyway, why on Earth would I kill the man? He brought me nothing but pleasure.”
“Maybe you killed him because you found out he was diddling the maid.”
Amy’s jaw line hardened as her face slowly went from white to dark red as she digested the information. “That bastard,” she whispered.
“I told him it was not proper, that it could only end in grief,” wept Julie, the maid.
The police detective handed her his handkerchief, wincing when she blew her nose into it.
“But Michael had lost all confidence in himself, and when he started taking Generic Viagra--”
“Generic Cialis,” the police chief corrected against his will.
“Anyway, when things below started working again, of course he wanted to love like an ordinary man. And that cold bitch he was married to wasn’t going to let him. Do you know she hasn’t given me a raise in three years?”
“Did you know Michael was seeing other women?”
“Of course, he made no secret. There were no secrets between Michael and I.”
“Sir, you insult me gravely,” said the butler. “In days gone by, I would have called you out.”
“Forgive me, but you are the only person left with the motive—and the strength—to stab Michael Porter in the heart.”
“And the motive would be…?”
“I understand he was taking a certain medication that might have interested you.”
“Generic Viagra?” The butler said without changing expression. “It certainly worked well for him, but I would hardly kill him to obtain a supply of a medication so readily available.”
The police detective pounced. “His wife says you aren’t paid enough to purchase your own supply.”
“That’s true, but as it happens, I don’t have to work. I choose to do so for amusement. I am independently wealthy. You may check my accounts, if you like.
“They’ll never figure out who did it. And soon they’ll lose interest.”
“Amy” pulled off his wig and slung the padded bra he’d been wearing across the room with a look of disgust before he crawled into bed beside Michael Porter’s willing widow.
“Now, let’s see how well this
Generic Viagra really works,” he murmured tenderly.
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INDIANAPOLIS – Charles David Hodges Jr., M.D., a member of St. Francis Medical Group, has joined Plainfield Family Medicine.